miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
so much tequila, so little girl.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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