Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
