Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
