either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
