Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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