I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
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