clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
