We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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