I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
