so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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