You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
