just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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