May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
