So drunk, too bad you don't want this
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
