I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
