hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
