I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
