went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
