Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
