I wannas sexs uuuuu
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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