I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
