My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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