If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
