We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
