I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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