Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
