can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
