threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
third nipple confirmed
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
