Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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