my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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