i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I think your dad took our porno
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
