you guys were way drunker than both of me
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
