I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
