he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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