I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
