I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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