He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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