is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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