if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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