dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
