Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
