Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
