So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
