I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
And he claims I gave him “fuck me†eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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