I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
ok first of all what the fuck
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
