nut hugger
I look better un-naked...
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
