if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize
