how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
