oh god the rape fog is back!
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
