apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
