on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
