new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
