he puts the penis in happiness.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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