There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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