I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
