My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
